How do you meet potential partners for a relationship these days? If you're single, the easiest way to get to know someone nowadays is going online.
Dating apps probably have had a place on your phone and on a lot of phones of people you know. And they, indeed, have a lot of advantages over the old-fashioned “meeting someone at a bar”: you get to fill up on eye-candy with a bunch of good-looking singles in one single spot, you can filter out the less suitable candidates with one tap and clearly state your own preferences. You save time and avoid possible missteps or later disappointments without even leaving your sofa.
Online dating really is a practical solution to get in touch with new interesting people that you might not even have the opportunity to meet otherwise. Nevertheless, the search for love via app should remain only a means and never become a final destination. In other words, even if dating apps make it easier to meet someone, the “getting to know each other” experience still works better in real life, which should remain the prefered place to build real relationships.
If you are ready to embark on a love adventure online, we have compiled some tips based on our user’s experience to make your first steps a little bit easier.
Building your profile
Alright! Let’s start. You’ve download the app and you’re ready to start looking for that special someone. Here are a few things to take into consideration before you start the actual matching.
- Clarify your own goals: before starting the search for online matches, you should know what you’re searching for.Are you looking for a serious relationship or just a casual flirt? Are you actually open to a new love or rather looking for a distraction? Make sure that your objectives are honestly communicated in your app profile. On Jaumo, for example, you can add the label "relationship" or "friendship" to your profile picture and then formulate your preferences more precisely in your profile description.
- Honesty is everything. That very much applies to online dating as well.Treat the other person the same way you would like to be treated yourself.It's perfectly okay to openly state that you want a serious relationship, just as it's okay to seek casual flirtation and communicate it openly. Be authentic, be true to yourself, be true to what you want.
- Don’t get stuck on trying to choose the most polished photo, choose the ones that show your personality! If you’re goofy, post a playful photo, if you’re passionate about painting, post a photo of you painting, if your dog is “the love of your life”, post a photo with your dog. So choose photos that represent you. Just be yourself, show your best smile and all of that personality - that's the golden rule for a good profile picture.
- Don’t leave your profile empty or half-done. And don’t fill it up with untrue information either. Lying in your profile description is just as much a no-go as not giving any information about yourself. This will make potential matches view you as someone who’s not really taking it seriously or is just passing the time on the app, and so is not worth investing time in, or even as a troll or fake user.
Communicating with your match
So your profile is shining and you’ve matched with someone that’s on the same wavelength as you and who you really enjoy exchanging messages with. Here are some tips for the conversation.
- It might be repetitive… but it’s something that’s worth repeating: try to be true to yourself. Don't be afraid to openly tell them your true intentions and ask about theirs. It's okay to talk about your true motives and expect your match to do the same. Show off your personality in the way that you talk: no need for fancy words, trying to sound extra smart, extra funny or extra seductive.
- Ask them questions! Try to know more about their opinion on the issues that are most important to you, discover commonalities and shared values. These can become a good foundation for your future conversations and plans together.
- Check the growth and development category on our blog! There you’ll find lots of useful information on healthy communication and conversation tips that will help you on both online and offline conversations.
- Don't immediately go into defence mode if you notice that you don't agree on a certain topic. Try to explore their motives first and make a mental check-mark to try to understand if you could live with this disagreement. We don't always have to share our partner's opinion, but sometimes it's about fundamental values that are of great importance to us. Often these are issues on which we can’t and shouldn’t compromise on. If you clarify these at the very beginning of a relationship, you can save yourself stress and disappointment in the future.
- Don’t prolong the conversation forever. If the important details are clarified, the wavelengths harmonise and your values match, it’s probably time to suggest a first meeting and test your chemistry in real life. If you notice that your match finds excuse after excuse to refuse an in-person meeting, take it as a sign for you that something may not be right. For some people, dating chats are just a hobby, and others are simply not open to actually meeting someone in real life. Keep your eye out so you don’t waste your precious time and energy on them.
The first meeting
Now the time has finally come - after the swiping and a lot of chatting, the eagerly awaited first date arrives! So many questions are spinning around in your head: what does your match look like in reality? What should you say, how should you behave? And, of course, the old question: what should you wear?
Let's take it one step at a time!
- Take the initiative: suggest a place for the first meeting that you know well and where you feel relaxed and safe.
- Be open and curious. Feel free to ask questions, but don't make it sound like an interview.Pay special attention to the questions your match asks you. They can reveal more about their intentions and personality than their answers.
- Choose a look that is you! Stay true to yourself also in what you wear.Of course you want to impress, but do you want to risk spending the whole date feeling uncomfortable and unlike yourself?When you look in the mirror, ask yourself if you like what you see and if your true personality comes out in this outfit. If the answer is positive, you've done everything right!
- Never accept invitations to the home of a person you don't know well enough or meet them in a secluded place. Stay safe and choose public places with a lot of movement and that you know well.
- Don't take it too seriously, go for some levity and enjoy the experience. Don't get carried away and try to check your partner's readiness for marriage on the first date even if you’re excited heart totally feels like they’re your soulmate.
- Don't expect too much and just try to have fun. Don’t get wrapped up in expectations and just let it happen. While it’s normal to get excited, this is only the first date and you’re just starting to get to know each other. Don’t put pressure on the event by wanting it to go a certain way.
So the first date is over! What now?
You maybe have to handle some emotions, calm down the excitement - or address the lack of it.It’s time to look back, examine how the date went, how you felt around this person, and understand if you’re meant to have a second date or if this was a one time thing.
- On the way home, do some soul-searching and explore your emotions.How do you feel after the experience, what sensations and feelings remain? What aftertaste does this new acquaintance leave? Were you able to be authentic in their company or were you tense most of the time? Did you have the feeling that they were really interested in you or did they mainly talk about themselves? Your gut will be your best friend when it comes to deciding if there should be a second date or not.
- Stay open and positive! Whatever the outcome of your first date, make sure you shine a positive light on it. Did it go amazingly well? Awesome! Focus on making the connection grow and don’t let it scare you. Did it go so-so? Well, it’s an opportunity to invest into it a bit more or maybe even make a friendship out of it - not every relationship is meant to be romantic. Did it go horribly wrong? That’s a shame but it does not define your whole dating life! Dust off and get back at it, the right one will show up eventually.
- Overthink it! It’s amazing that your date went perfect, but don’t start building a life of marriage, dogs and kids right away. Take it one step at a time.If it went bad, don’t start thinking about what you did wrong, about how you didn’t spot that you weren’t a match or why your dating life just doesn’t seem to go right. Take it slow, these things take time - and they’re worth waiting for.
- Ignore your gut! Your inner voice is screaming about red flags, but you ignore it and want to give your date another chance. Why is that? Take a stop and try to put things into perspective. You can read more about the importance of listening to your inner voice and your needs in our blog article: 5 rules to follow before you start a new relationship.
Alright, from downloading the dating app up to bringing your new online date into a real life, you just had a quick run through the whole online dating experience!
We hope you are now more prepared to start your own dating adventures soon and we wish you to truly enjoy the ride. And of course, we would love to see you using all these tips on Jaumo soon - and remember to always prioritize safety when doing so.
The most important tip of them all is to just relax into the dating experience, really enjoy yourself and open yourself up to meeting some really cool new people. When you put the pressure off yourself and the process, you might find what you're looking for before you even know it.